CG and I met in the fall of 1999. It was our senior year of high school, and we sat next to each other in English. I don’t remember much about our early interactions (I had a boyfriend), but I think we gradually became acquaintances, especially after one of my friends started dating one of his friends. In the spring the four of us were all in the same Hamlet video group, which involved filming at CG’s house on the weekend. We all got to know each other better during that project, and around that time CG and I started chatting online.
Over the summer of 2000 we continued to chat. We even agreed to meet for lunch at one point, but I backed out at the last minute (yeah I know it was kind of jerky) because it felt a little too much like a date.
Fall of 2000 I went away (1.5 hours) to college, and right before my birthday he visited and brought me really thoughtful presents. It’s hard to pinpoint when exactly it was because it was so gradual, but eventually it became clear that I had feelings for CG and needed to dump my high school boyfriend.
CG and I became official at the end of October and had five tumultuous months together. We were crazy about each other and things were quite passionate, yet stormy. I had a lot of issues I needed to work through. That accompanied by the fact that I had virtually no healing time between relationships doomed us. We argued all the time, and mostly it was my doing. He was great to me, but I was so insecure that I was constantly picking fights to test him, which of course backfired on me in the end. When I came home for spring break in March 2001 he told me we were finished, at least until I sorted out all my issues.
I was completely devastated. Spring quarter was extremely difficult. I spent most of it alone in my dorm room eating entire pints of Ben & Jerry’s in one sitting because my mini-fridge didn’t have a big enough freezer. At least that’s what I told myself anyway. Eventually I picked myself back up enough to be interested in other guys, but CG was always in the back of my mind.
I started dating J in Sept. 2001. At some point CG and I started talking again, and we were friends while I was with J. J and I broke up for a few months in 2004, and during that time CG and I rekindled things. Again it just wasn’t good timing because I was so fresh out of a relationship. Things fizzled and I went back to J for two and a half more years. CG and I were friends during most of that time.
J and I broke up for the final time in May 2007. CG and I dated for a few months, but as with all the other times, it was more of a rebound thing. Neither of us were looking for anything serious. That is, until my feelings got the best of me. However, CG was upset at me because I had broken our “agreement” that we would remain casual. We were supposed to go to a Weakerthans concert in October 2007, but he didn’t make it. I went on the slim chance he’d show up, but he didn’t. I watched the concert alone, tears streaming. The Weakerthans were sort of “our” band, and a lot of the songs had special meanings for us, so it was especially heartbreaking that he stood me up.
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