The Weakerthans concert was a turning point in my feelings for CG. It was the final straw, the last hurt. I shut down to him after that. I had loved him for 7 years, and even when we weren't together he was always somewhere in my heart. But it was like something broke, and I was unable to love him after that. We went back to not speaking for a while and I become involved with my non-boyfriend (the one who wouldn't commit). I was with him on and off until early 2010. But even when CG and I resumed the friendship, that's all it was. There was no undercurrent of sparkle magic anymore. Every so often he would try to flirt with me, or the topic of getting back together would come up, but I always rejected it.
Sometimes I even wanted to love him again, but it just wasn't there. Until the ER incident, that is. On July 11, 2010, I decided to give my bathroom a good scrubbing. I attacked my dirty tub with Tilex and Soft Scrub, and the chemicals plus poor ventilation were a recipe for an asthma attack. Unfortunately, my breathing episodes are pretty rare, so I haven't been officially diagnosed and I didn't have an inhaler. I kept hoping it would resolve itself, which is usually the case, but by bedtime I was still wheezing. I knew there was no way I could sleep, so I decided to take myself to the ER about 2 miles away.
CG came online minutes before I left. I told him I couldn't talk because I was leaving, and of course he wanted to know where I was going at 11pm on a Sunday night (I'm not that much of a partier haha). I let him know the situation, and he offered to come drive me. I declined, since I figured I could get there faster on the bus. He then offered to meet me and take me home, so I said he could if he wanted.
He beat me to the ER (I got a little lost), stayed with me the entire time, and took me to get my prescriptions at the 24-hour pharmacy. When we got back to my apartment sometime around 1 or 2am, he came in and hung out with me for a while, even though he had just gotten back from a trip and was exhausted. Nothing happened though, unless you count me using him as a foot warmer.
The next day, I was like, "Holy fucking crap! What was that?" I realized that my feelings for him weren't dead after all. The way he was there for me was amazing. I had just spent the past few years with a guy who was great as long as I wasn't asking for something, but any time I needed support he wasn't available. This was a wonderful change.
We talked a couple of days after the ER night, and we realized that we were both open to a real relationship. I had to do some thinking & tying up loose ends with a couple of guys I was dating casually, so it took me a few of weeks to get to a place where we could make it official. I also was a bit resistant to the idea of a relationship, since I had been single for a while and liked my freedom and independence. I came around though, like I knew I would, and we've been a couple since August 1.
Thanks for sharing your story. My, that's a lot of back and forth, but I love how he came to your side when you were sick. I hope this time you both are in the place you need to be to have a relationship together. It's been a long time coming!
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