New blog

I have moved my blog here:

http://keepingthemeinwe.blogspot.com/

I will now refer to CG as F, which is his actual initial. 

Changes

I know it's been a long time.  I've been busy moving and have been considering changing the blog.  Up until now, I've been anonymous and haven't let anyone I know in real life read it.  Even CG, who knows about the blog, doesn't read it. 

I am considering making this less anonymous, or possibly starting a new blog under my real name. 

Stay tuned.

It doesn't help that the sun in Seattle went missing this week

I am having one of those days where I am bothered about something, but don't want to come across as the needy girlfriend, so I am trying not to say it.  I don't know if my feelings, however valid (because all feelings are valid) are reasonable.  But not saying something is often worse than getting it out and properly dealt with, needy or not.  By keeping my emotions to myself, particularly the ones that are more than passing annoyance, I risk letting them fester and grow into major pain, sadness, or anger. 

CG is in Vegas again and I'm having a hard time.  He's only been there since yesterday, and he gets back tomorrow, but I haven't seen him since Saturday so it feels much longer.  We talked yesterday online while he was traveling, but then he signed off to take his final flight and I haven't heard from him since.  I know he's ok thanks to Facebook, but really, would it be so hard to send a quick message to me letting me know he's arrived?  I worry a little when people I love travel. 

I think this is magnified by the fact that on Tuesday night the conversation lagged and then he signed off without saying goodbye.  Although not required, I think it's nice to say goodnight, especially before a trip. 

I know that he is a great guy, and he treats me well.  He is kind and loving, but he has spent more time out of relationships than in them.  (And those times weren't dating-single so much as alone-single.)  I want to give him the benefit of the doubt, because maybe he just isn't used to having someone around to be concerned.  I'm sure he didn't mean to upset me.  But I don't know how to bring it up without sounding like a clingy whiner.  Yeah, I miss him after only 5 days.  Not because I can't live without him, but because I really, truly enjoy having him around.

2010 in review

January: Things really started to go downhill with my non-boyfriend (NBF).  We went through yet another breakup, and this time I (mistakenly) thought it was for real.  I also started to get my things in order to apply for grad school.

February: On Valentine's Day the NBF and I hadn't talked for a couple of weeks, and I woke up to discover my guinea pig had passed away.  She had been sick all weekend so it wasn't exactly a surprise, but I was pretty sad.  Happy Valentine's Day to me.  A few days later, NBF contacted me again.  We resumed a very shaky relationship, but he rarely had time to see me.  He had filled the hole I left in his life with so many activities that it was impossible for us to get together unless he came over for a midnight tryst.

March: More of the same with NBF, but around this time I had at least picked myself up enough to start dating again.  However, even though I didn't know if I was ready for a boyfriend, I did want to meet someone I could have a connection with.  Submitted grad school applications. 

April: Grad school interviews at the end of the month.  I got interviews at both schools I applied to!  Dating continued, and I discovered that I just wasn't into the geeky software guys that are so common in these parts.  They were all super nice, but I needed someone with a little more...je ne sais quoi, comprenez-vous?

May: Was accepted at my first choice school!  I was rejected by my last-choice, but that's ok because I don't think it would have been a good fit.  Also went on an epic first date with a guy named Hadley*.  He was in the process of moving here, but had to go back home for a while to tie up loose ends and travel around and see people.  We kept in contact online for the rest of the month.

June:  Hadley came back 6 weeks later for the solstice, and we dated for another 6 weeks in person only to realize we were not very compatible after all.  He was very pushy about things that I was uncomfortable with, such as PDAs.  I also realized that he and I had very different ideas of fun.  He wanted to sit around on my couch or in a bar all the time.  If I wanted to do something else I'd have to plan it.  He also didn't have a job and was couch surfing since he'd just moved and after a few weeks that grew old.  I think he would have moved in with me if I'd let him.  Oh, and all he did during the day was hang out in parks and coffee shops! 

July:  I kept dating Hadley into July.  At that point I pretty much knew it wasn't going to work out, but I had to see it through to the end just to be sure.  Then one night during a live theater performance he tickled me and wouldn't stop.  That was it, he was out.  Around the same time I had the asthma incident with CG and I knew that was going to turn into something real.

August: CG and I made it official on the first.  We finished out the summer by going on a weekend road trip and getting to know each other as partners again after 10 years of being just friends.  Had my final conversation with NBF early in the month.  Haven't heard from him since. 

September: I started grad school!  It was a big adjustment for sure, but I loved my classes so that made it easier.

October: CG and I turned 29 and had endless birthday dinners with all our family and friends.

November: This month was rocky due to CG being gone for 10 days, meltdowns of friends and continuing to adjust to all the big changes in my life. 

December: I finished up my first quarter with a 3.6, CG and I took our first trip together to San Francisco, and I bought a car!  We spent Christmas with each other's families and our relationship just kept getting better and better. 

*Yeah, I used his real name.  This is how much I don't care about protecting his anonymity.

Moving in together lists

Things I look forward to:
1. Having him around
2. Coming home to him in the evening
3. Sharing a bed (cuddles)
4. Possibly getting a new, nicer bed
5. Getting to know each other in a new way
6. Less expensive living
7. Someone to cook for/share food
8. Someone to cook for me and help me with chores when I'm busy/stressed out
9. Not having to say goodbye so much
10. Not having to drive to see each other
11. Someone to notice if I don't come home (like if something bad happens)

Things I am scared of:

1. Changing the dynamic of our relationship: finding time to be away from each other instead of time to be together
2. Fighting over chores
3. Seeing the not-sexy stuff on a daily basis
4. Taking each other for granted
5. Sorting out money issues
6. Less freedom
7. Less alone time
8. Getting bored of each other
9. Adapting my schedule to fit his
10. Negotiating small life details

As things progress

Things have been getting more serious lately with CG.  I thought I would be more freaked out, but actually I'm ok. 

As I've mentioned, we took our first trip together earlier this month.  It was six days of almost nonstop togetherness, and it wasn't nearly as bad as I'd feared.  We hardly fought at all, even when stressful things happened like not sleeping on the train and getting lost trying to visit my friend in the suburbs.  About halfway through the trip I had a cranky episode from all the activity, but I got over it.  I know I could have had some alone time if I'd requested it, but we had packed our schedule with things to do together so it didn't really make sense.  The thing the surprised me the most was that despite our awesomely fun days, I'd find myself looking forward to the hour or two of quiet time we'd have together in the hotel room before bed.  It was nice having him around but doing separate things.  Usually one of us would be on the computer and the other would be watching tv, or in my case, knitting.  Then we'd go to bed at the same time and I got kind of used to having him there at night to cuddle with.  It was weird sleeping alone after we got back.

The other big thing that I've mentioned was that I bought my first car.  (I should have known I was doomed dating a car guy...it was just a matter of time.)  However, it's not quite that simple.  I can't afford a car + extras by myself, so CG added me to his insurance and is paying it.  That way I only have the loan and gas, which is doable.  It only costs him $50/month to add me, while getting my own policy (not ever having been insured before) would be way more.  He has to be on the title for the insurance, so technically it is both our car, even though in the event of a breakup it will be mine (we wrote it out in a contract).  Also he is planning on storing it at his house when I don't need it so I'm not tempted to get lazy and use it all the time for every little trip.  I still want to be a walk/bus person most of the time because it's good exercise and better for the environment.  The car is mainly for things I can't do by bus very well, such as going snowboarding or visiting my parents in the suburbs.

It seems inevitable that we will move in together at some point, it's just a matter of when.  Our leases are up in the spring.  Originally I wanted to wait until my longer school break in September, but after recent events it seems that I might be okay doing it sooner.  I still have my same old fears, though.

To my readers

Merry Christmas!

Hope your day is filled with lots of love and everything you wished for!