What is normal?

I just want life to feel normal again.

I'm going through this huge period of change, and while nothing is actually wrong, I fluctuate back and forth between being irritable and upset to feeling like I'm out of breath from running to catch up.

The relationship is taking way more time than I planned.  I haven't had any non-bf time with my friends all month, with the exception of an hour two weeks ago.  I love school, but it is a really, really big adjustment.  I throw myself into it on Wednesday and Thursday nights and come out on Friday utterly exhausted, only to have to jump immediately into a slew of social engagements.

Another thing that is really frustrating is that I haven't had much control over what I've been eating.  There have been so many dinners out, especially for our birthdays.  Although I'm not a super health freak, I do try to eat organic, minimally processed foods I cook myself more often than not.  I'm not perfect--sometimes that means grilled cheese and homemade soup--but it's slightly better than a huge plate of buttery pasta or Thai fried rice.  But lately I haven't been able to eat what I want, so that means that 1) I feel gross and fat.  I've been afraid to weigh myself because I know I've gained a few pounds and 2) my food at home is going bad before I can eat it.  Normally I am pretty good about planning meals and not buying more than I can consume, so I rarely throw away food.  Last weekend I had to toss a tomato and all my kiwi berries, and it was a little tragic.

I am also still getting used to "our" time and not just "my" time.  I'm realizing that when I get in the car with him on Saturday at noon thinking we'll be back around 6, maybe we won't actually be back until 10 or 11.  We end up running errands, going to dinner, or spending time with his "adoptive" parents (parents of a friend who died) and the day just gets away from us.

My life isn't entirely my own anymore, and I'm not sure how I feel about that.  On Tuesday that sent me into a panic, but maybe I just need time.  I certainly don't want to give up the awesome parts about having a relationship: the cuddling, having someone to listen to the events of my day, having someone to text when I'm out and need a phone number (I don't have a fancy phone), knowing that someone is going to be there for me even when I'm being a butthead.  Not only is CG great at supporting me, but his family and friends had showed me nothing but kindness and love.  I have never had this many wonderful, caring people in my life at one time, and while it is amazing in a lot of ways, it is also FUCKING OVERWHELMING. 

Breathe.  Just breathe.